arhymeforsilver

No, I'm not really good with keeping a journal, but a lot has been happening, some I look back on now and wish I would have taking the time to write about them, but in the past few days, a lot more has happened, and I wanted to remember it a little.

May 5th - probably the best day of my life. It started out with work *gag* but I didn't let it get to me, and it was only 3 hours. I could deal with that. Next up - Dave and I went to look at a jewelry shop. We'd been looking at "engagement" rings for a while, and the one setting they had there was truely beautiful, but very expensive. When we left, I told Dave I had to get ready for my graduation and he told me he needed to get his mother a mother's day present. My mom flat out told me what she wanted, so I didn't have to look - I just needed to buy it. Yay!

My dad came over really early, so we watched TV and I made some rosaries. He thought I was trying to make a point to him because when I brought out my rosary box it was when he was taking about a movie he saw with penquin porn in it. I have no idea what he is talking about, and I didn't bother asking. 4p.m. finally came around (he apologized for coming so early - saying his clocks must be set wrong. :) ) and we went to Crash Landing for a nice dinner - with my family and Dave's. :D I think it went well, and to help with having my grandfather still there - it happened to be the Kentucky Derby. At least my family picked horses, as my grandfather use to have us do, and then we had a nice dinner and waited for the race. And wouldn't you know it, but at the last stretch the horse I picked run the race! woohoo! Congratulations Street Sense! :D

Then we came back to the house and I told Dave that I wanted to change...and for some reason he followed me in the basement. I gathered up some more comfortable clothes and with my hands full and in front of the dog pen, Dave pulled out that little black box with the beautiful band I thought was too expensive and huge round diamond in the middle. I guess my direct nature came out when we just stood there for a while and I asked, "Well, aren't you going to ask me?" (blush) But he did, and I said yes, and then my sister came and the moment was lost. lol. What a day!

So yesterday I got to show it off and there's a whole lot of things now that I never really thought of. Part of me knew Dave and I would get married, but now people are asking the how and when and where and I guess we have to plan this all out now. It should be very interesting, but I just want to take things a day at a time and just enjoy how hopefull and promising things are right now. I've had some real low points in the past few years, and I just want to hold on to this wonderful feeling for a while, and hope it never goes away.

Organized and loving it! lol Now I just hope I can keep it that way.

And while I was organizing, I decided to redecorate. I got some really nice stuff for Christmas and thought to enjoy them instead of keeping them in boxes until I moved out.

But, not it's time to treat myself. My sister lent me some books and I know I will like them. :D And now that I don't have so much clutter, I have a place to put them (and fill with more interesting stuff. :P j/k)

Getting organized is going a little better than I thought. I've already filled 3 boxes of stuff to donate, 3 garbage bags of junk I can't even remember why I was keeping, and found out I have 6, yes, 6 boxes of yarn! woohoo! That'll make a lot of blankets and hats to give out this year! :) I also have a lot more beads to make rosaries than I thought. This will be a good year for giving.

And as excited as I am over that, the people I work with dumped a project on me I couldn't do without help. I am directionally challenged, and I don't live in the area, so the recent construction projects that went on to make changes, I have no idea what they were. So, when I started to try to learn what they were so I could do the project, they responded by treating me like I was incompetent and snatched the project away. It's really bummed me out, but I keep telling myself by asking what the changes were I did the right thing. Otherwise, I would have attempted to update a map and driving directions for our clients only to hinder them. But, then why do I feel so bad for doing so?

The good news: what I've wanted to do for a while and kept putting off will finally get done.

The bad news: I'm being forced to do it. ><

Oh well, I will have to keep my eyes on the positive and not think of it as work. I'm both exciting about it and unhappy about it (now that I have a deadline). So, now I actually might have a good reason for staying off the computer.

In other news, I started my last class yesterday and it is going to be a massive class load. Again, I'm trying to think of the positive - it's my only class and I might actually be able to handle it. But, the syllabus is very intimidating.

So, we will see what happens. A by Monday I should have a great feat completed or darn near close. :D

I don't like going to confession. It's more of a thing that I have to do rather than something I wanted to. Prior to meeting my boyfriend, I went the bare minimum, if even that, each year. However, with his insight and members of his family I realized I needed to sit in that dark room and tell my imperfections to someone I hope would not associate my voice with my face once the wall between us was removed. However, wanting to start the New Year with a clean slate and more faith based, I decided to go.

There was a long line, it seemed a lot of people wanted a fresh start in 2007, so I had a lot of time to look at the church. It was a small church, their Christmas decorations were still up, and then my eyes wondered to the Stations of the Cross. Most of the churches I've been in had statues for the stations, but this church had pictures. When I was next to the second station, Jesus Carries His Cross, I really just stared at it for a while. The artist didn't draw this station the way I'm use to seeing it, where Jesus is already carrying his cross or has it on his back or in his hands. This artist drew the cross off to the side, and Jesus was standing, with opened, outstretched arms toward the cross. This struck me and I continued to look at it and once the line moved me passed the picture and even in the confessional, I reflected on this image.

How truly wonderful, I thought, to have the image of Christ accepting his cross for us. So often have I focused on his divinity, that at times like this is seems shocking to me to see his human side as well. I recalled readings where Jesus was asking his Father to let this cup be taking from him (Luke 22:42), and with this image it appeared as though Jesus, with opened, outstretched arms, was accepting the will of his Father, just as we are called to do. He didn't hesitate, He didn't run, He didn't get lost in all the things that need to be done, or things of this world that He wanted to take care of. He took the cross, and his sentence to be crucified, and as this picture showed in such a loving, caring way with opened, outstretched arms.

And as I entered the confessional, sitting in that dark room with the glazed window to hide myself, it hit me that he did that for my sins, for my imperfections, for all the times I've fallen and taken the easy way. For this very thing that had left me with so many fears and dreads, was the reason He, with opened, outstretched arms, accepted that heavy burden of the cross. It was easier for me to tell these things this time, because I was so focused on being judged. Instead, I thought was a wonderful and amazing gift this was, and what a wonderful and amazing gift Jesus had given me. By taking on His cross with opened, outstretched arms, he offered me mercy, love, and healing. What incredible love He has for me that with this simple act of saying I was sorry (though not an easy thing), there is nothing I can do that He will not forgive and take me back with opened, outstretched arms.

Well, this is what the last entry was suppose to say, but I must have done something wrong and can't figure out how to edit it. What can I say, technology isn't really my thing.

2007 is starting in full force - just the way I like it. :) Dave and I joined a Bible study group and have already attented 2 sessions. It has been great to begin a relationship with the Lord and rining in the New Year with Him as well. I wonder why I have not managed to do this before.

We also started the year giving - which is how I hope the rest of 2007 will be as well. With the help of Michaels, Warm Up America, and some good ol' tender loving care, we donated 11 blankets to the American Red Cross for the homeless.

2007 is looking like a very good year indeed! :)

2007 started off great! :)

I look at the date and cannot believe it. Where in the world did 2006 go?

I have hopes that things will get a little easier once my classes are done, but I have so much to do with homework, final projects, and quizzes before I actually take the final exam that I cannot even imagine having a free moment at this point. I am trying not to be too overwhelmed, but...I think that's just how I like to be. It seems when I get in that mood I am my most creative. In the past few weeks I have written more songs than I have in a long while, now I just need to find the time to start writing music, though I did invest in a cassette player (yes, they do still exist) to record my horrible singing to them so I wouldn't forget the melodies. I think that will end up being a major project for the new year now that most of my gaming goals are achived (I can tele now! At least of 3...only fans of finally fantasy xii will understand). I guess I'll go after the other ones as well, but I never really thought of it. In any case, there are bigger and better things for me, though getting involved in the game has greatly improved my relationship with my sister.

My boyfriend and I had a heart to heart and I think we understand each other a little better. He is trying to help me, though I think he is looking into everything a little too much (I ask him to bring me some caffiene (meaning diet coke) and he asks if I want a 20 ounce, 2 liter, or cans. lol. As long as it was caffinated it could have come in a toilet paper roll at that point and I would have been happy!) Still, I greatly appreciate the effort.

I will have to seriously think of what I want to achieve for next year. I have way too much clutter from things I started, and now want to focus on things to complete. The rest I will donate or get rid of in some fashion. I think i will feel better if I'm not surrounded by stuff that needs to get done as well.

But, most of that will have to wait until December 19 - when my finals will be over with and I can think....ok. December 20th. I will give myself a day to be completely brain dead.

Oh well, that's the theme of my life at the moment. Until next time, God Bless!

Today is the day I get consecrated. I am nervous and worried about it, though it should be such a great thing to do.

My grandfather is really sick, but we did have a wonderful visit together yesterday. There was even a moment I know I'll hold with me for the rest of my life. It was a good day.

Dave and I signed up for a craft show and will be doing that this Saturday as a fundraiser for Castle of Diamonds. I'm a little nervous about it, but hopefully some of my old crafts will give us funds to continue making blankets and hats for cancer patients, rosaries, and...any other projects that might come up.

Geesh, so much has happened and I can't even remember what to type in here. i guess I should post and read more often, huh?

I got some hope for my neopets accounts and may be able to end my boycot of them. My sister is a very smart women and helped me figure out a way to limit it to which year their birthdays are in...and I have. So...since you get 3 guesses a day, I should have them back in 122 days or less. :D

...today I'm going on 4 hours and have been more alert and attentive than I usually am...does that mean I usually sleep too much?

I don't even know what to think anymore.

I get these weird dreams from time to time...and feelings...like I'm suppose to do something...something big, but I don't know what.

So my latest attempt at solving this was with music. I have always enjoyed music, and having gotten into Christian contemporary music lately, it seemed like a great idea.

So I've been writing and showed these lyrics to my boyfriend. Not only does he does say anything, but later tells me he's a bit jealous that I don't write lyrics about him.

Then proceeds to tell me how I don't tell him things he needs to hear, etc.

I....give up. I don't think I'll be inspired to write another lyric in a long time, and I sure as hell won't listen to anymore of those feelings. Maybe there isn't more to me that this.